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Wednesday 31 July 2013

30 MINUTES




































You may have noticed I've been a little quiet lately. Let's just say I've been busy. But it's a strange kind of busy. It's not just work, it's a pervading, choking air of busy-ness. As if I don't have time for anything. It's almost like I've forgotten how to make time for myself: to read, to write, to hum and to cook and sit down with a cup of tea.

So I set myself a challenge this week: I found 30 minutes that I would otherwise have spent on Pinterest, or Instagram or {insert time-eating but ultimately un-productive activity here} and I decided to see if I could create something. I had 30 minutes of sunlight left in the day, no lights, no mirror, no time for touch-ups or adjustments and no pre-determined location.

I wanted to push myself to create something.

As busy as I've been, and as much as I've created things for my magazines, for Instagram, for various other social media, I've found myself a little lost when it came to creating for my blogs. It's not that I'm not inspired. Quite the opposite actually. I'm brimming with inspiration. I'm full: stuffed to overflowing! Inspiration is all around me: websites, fashion blogs, Pinterest, magazines, Instagram, beauty blogs, TV, *draws in large, gasping breath* even the Facebook pages of many brands are simply loaded with inspiration.

So I pin, I share, I swoon and stare. Minutes stretch into hours. My face gets closer and closer to the screen. My eyes widen. Breathing becomes shallow and rapid. Pupils dilate. This is pure, uncut, premium quality inspiration. The good stuff.

Some of you may know that I grew up as a bit of a hippie. We lived on a 100 acre farm. No electricity. No running water. The first time I saw a television (we would later get our own very-closely-monitored-and-treated-with-the-same-disdain-as-one-might-afford-an-unwanted-loud-and-intrusive-guest... My mother used to cover it with a large tablecloth) was at my Grandmother's place at the age of about nine. I sat right up close. Fascinated. My father told me "don't sit so closely, you'll get square eyes." Oh boy. Was he ever right.

I don't know if my rampant obsession with all things beautiful, digital, brightly coloured and speedy began as a result of being cut off from it for so long: if it was some kind of rebellion... Or if it would have happened either way.

I tend to see it as some kind of inevitability. It seems to be a not-unusual story among my friends (the obsession, not the hippie upbringing). In fact, one of my beautiful friends wrote a particularly eloquent piece about the inspiration that surrounds us, real life, and the vast chasm in between.

In any case, as a result of aforementioned chasm, I have found myself somewhat paralysed when it comes to creating my own images and words. Hence, the challenge.

I am not any one of the forty-or-fifty-odd bloggers I follow regularly. Nor am I (as much as I would like to be) a clever, beautiful and yet wonderfully unique amalgam of them all. I am me. I am not perfect. I can't be perfect, no matter how hard I try. (And I have tried. I tried until my head was spinning and my vision swimming). My voracious hunger for inspiration has only led me to compare myself with others. And that way, my friends, lies madness.

So here I am. Perhaps this exercise has been more about letting go of expectations and comparisons, shaking off envy and longing, and beginning to be myself.

Because when Rumi said "When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy" I don't think he was talking about achieving perfection. Or about pouring your talents into a project that is 'à lá {insert favourite blogger/stylist/photographer/icon here]'. Or spending endless hours trying to get even the smallest things right (whatever that means): which is how I've been reading it until today. Suddenly, this quote means something completely different. Maybe I'm a little slow. But now I understand he is talking about finding yourself, and your own way of expressing it.

I think it's going to take a little practice. And I will certainly not be foresaking my Pinterest, magazines, Instagram, Facebook, bloglovin' or any other sources of inspiration. I will just be looking at them differently. Without envy, or longing, or comparison. With fresh eyes. With my eyes. And with a smile, because all these people are doing things from their souls. Creating. And inspiring me to.

Wearing: Sweater Myth Conception Leather Pants Faith In Love both via Westfield Sydney Pop Up Stores on Level 1 Necklaces Skull similar available here Horseshoe Lovisa sold out plenty of other gorgeous necklaces available here.

Love,
Rosie x